Find the "Take Away" Value

Some of the most annoying and “unlovely” people I have ever known have had the biggest positive impact on my life; but not in the way they thought they would. There are three that immediately come to mind.

One was my tenth grade high school English teacher. She treated every student with open hostility. She publicly berated students for poor performance, operating under the misguided notion that humiliating someone would inspire them to try harder.  She swore to us that one day we would come back and thank her for being so hard on us. To the best of my knowledge, none of us ever did. Her arrogant notion that being unkind was the same thing as being “firm” was a lesson to be sure, but not the one she intended. I didn’t enjoy my experience with this teacher, and I don’t remember learning much about English from her either, but I did learn that you can’t successfully illuminate someone’s path with a hand grenade. Kindness matters.

The second “inspiration” was a former coworker. She was incredibly talented, but was also incredibly insecure. As a result, she criticized, back-stabbed and undermined the careers of everyone around her as she attempted to make her way to the top of the corporate ladder. She cared for no one, and frankly, no one cared for her. She may have been “successful”, but it was a very hollow victory. From her, I learned that success without honor is like a cake without sugar. It might satisfy your hunger for a while, but it won’t taste good. 

The third lesson came from a former boss who was the most suspicious-minded person I have ever known. She insisted on reading every document her employees created, no matter how minor in importance. She looked through our desk drawers when we weren’t in our office. She lingered outside doorways to eavesdrop on conversations. She demanded a full accounting of every phone conversation. Her behavior would lead you to believe we worked in such clandestine operations as the CIA, but we were just a local non-profit organization providing health care to underprivileged kids. I don’t know why she was so unable to trust; perhaps she had been deeply betrayed by someone at some point in time. Whatever her reasons, they made her and those around her miserable. But, from that experience I developed a habit that I carry to this day: Mainly, live your life as though someone is always watching. If you wouldn’t want to read about it in the next day’s paper, then don’t do it.  

Each situation in which we find ourselves has a lesson from which we can benefit, if we are willing to dig for it. In one of my earlier posts I talked about labeling our experiences and how the mere fact of labeling the experience changes our perspective. While none of the above experiences is a pleasant memory, I didn’t come away empty-handed. I have committed myself to never letting an experience go to waste, because after all, what is life but the sum total of our combined experiences?

I would encourage you to take the time to inventory your life experiences and consciously look for the positive “take-away” value. It isn’t about being naïve or overly optimistic, it’s about taking charge of your life. In the words of Holocaust survivor ,Viktor Frankl:

“Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms is to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.”