First, Do No Harm

I follow the blog of a young lady from the UK, Alice Pyne, who has been diagnosed with terminal leukemia. Her blog is sweet and full of youthful optimism, even in the face of very dark circumstances. She has created a “bucket list” of things she wants to do before she dies, and it is an endearing mixture of maturity (i.e., getting everyone to become a bone marrow donor) and teenage hero-worship (to meet the British pop group Take That). I have said before that a hero is not someone who changes the world, but someone who changes what they can.  I think Alice is living like a hero, and so do many others who read her blog. But sadly, there are other readers out there who have shown what it means to be human without humanity. They have made unbelievably cruel comments about her, and others are using her blog to promote their own questionable businesses and personal agendas. Some are even pretending to be Alice or her mom on the internet in order to deceive others. Obviously, this is very upsetting to Alice and her family.

What is it that lies within people that allows them to cross the boundaries of common decency? What internal justifications are they making that allow for such smallness of heart and spirit?  I can’t help but believe that these people have never sat at the bedside of someone they loved and helplessly watched as death won out over life, for surely if they had, such gross insensitivity would be unthinkable.  Maybe no one ever held these people tightly when they were children and told them that every breath they took was precious. Maybe their own personal experiences have led them to believe that life is a zero-sum game and that the only way they can win is if someone else loses. My training says any or all of these things could be true. My humanity says I don’t particularly care if they are. While there are those among us who may have perfectly understandable reasons for bad behavior, “understandable” is a far cry from “acceptable”. 

Our culture and our survival depend on kindness. If, as a society, we move to an “every man for himself” model, we will have engineered our own demise. Cooperation, community and trust collapse in a society that ceases to demand civility from its citizens. My childhood wasn’t perfect nor, for that matter, is my present. I suspect the same holds true for each of you. But we have to learn how to operate as responsible human beings and navigate our way through life without doing harm. 

I remember talking to a friend who had lived in Japan for a number of years, and she remarked on the power of the group, in Japanese society, to shape behavior. She told me of watching a group of Japanese preschoolers playing. When one of the children made an aggressive move toward another child, the rest of the children banned together with the child who had been mistreated and moved to a different area of the playground. They continued to ostracize the aggressive child for the rest of the day. By the end of the day, the misbehaving child was quiet, apologetic and humbled. Peer pressure is a powerful thing.

So my questions for the day are these:

·         How tolerant are you of those who are unkind?

·         Do you make it easier or harder for them to do the wrong thing?

·         Do you make excuses for yourself or others?

·         Do you stand up for others?

·         Do you model kindness?

I honestly believe most people want to do the right thing, but I think our society has also grown increasingly disinterested in promoting good behavior. We can change that if we want to. So, maybe today we could start doing a little more for others, a kindness here – a kindness there, and letting those around us know that we are serious about civility. And by the way, if you get a chance, tell Alice Pyne that you’re rooting for her.