Lighten Up!

The word on the street is that I may be one of the most stressed out people in America. 

Well, okay, maybe not me specifically, but women of my particular age bracket. It turns out that, according to a recent report released by the Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index, women between the ages of 45-64 have the lowest overall well-being rates of any age group or gender in the United States, and the report attributes it to stress. The study even goes so far as to suggest that this may be the first generation of women in history that will not outlive men by at least five to seven years. This is frightening news, because if women die before men, who will make sure that the cosmetologist at the funeral home doesn’t do something unexpected to our hair before the viewing?  Who will see to it that our burial outfit doesn’t make us look fat? Who will thoughtfully organize the post-funeral potluck social (which, as we all know, is an important rite of passage in the south)? Talk about stress…I’m getting nervous just thinking about it.

But seriously, this is disturbing news, and not just for women. 

We all know that stress is a serial-killer, and yet we allow it to move into our lives and take up residence, even as it’s plotting how to strangle us in our sleep. In spite of the clear and present danger, we continue to over-plan, over-extend, over-commit and worry ourselves into an early grave. Legendary UNC basketball coach, Dean Smith, once remarked, “If you treat every situation as a life and death matter, you'll die a lot of times.”  His point is well made, but it’s that last death that matters most. That’s the one there’s no coming back from. (And if you believe in reincarnation, DO NOT write me a letter to enlighten me on life after death, unless you used to be my great-grandmother Corter/Corder…in which case I need to talk to you about this name-spelling thing. It’s causing confusion at family reunions).

Lighten up readers. Not everything is an issue of life and death. Not everything that could happen is going to happen, and not everything that does happen will be as bad as we think. It’s time to gain some perspective. It’s time to learn to separate mountains from molehills.

A few years ago, when we bought our new home, my husband and I decided to do a self-move rather than hire professional movers (which turned out to be a questionable decision on our part). We rented some portable storage “pods” and began moving a few pieces of furniture into them each day. It was working out great. Right up until The Great Piano Incident.

That’s when we decided (I’m being magnanimous in my use of “we”) to load my spinet piano into the storage container by strategically positioning it onto two moving dollys and wheeling it down the gravel driveway and up the ramp into the big fiberglass box. Having precariously balanced the 600 lb. piano on the eight inch shelf of the dolly (another questionable decision), my husband instructed me to “keep it steady” while he went to close the garage door (I don’t think it’s even necessary for me to comment on the wisdom of that decision).  As soon as he walked away, the piano began to wobble on its ridiculous perch. Time passed in slow motion as the piano began to topple forward…I must have made some sort of distress call (things get fuzzy here), because my husband spun around and called out something helpful like “catch it!”. In spite of his good advice, I was no match for the momentum of six hundred pounds of wood, ivory and cast iron, so I just yelped and let go (I still contend that particular decision was a good one). 

My husband stood transfixed with horror and disbelief.  

I, on the other hand, laughed so hard that Diet Coke came out of my nose. 

I mean, come on, “insurance claim” and “I was only gone two seconds” and “blah, blah, blahs” aside, this was pretty darn funny. It would have been even funnier if it had happened to the neighbors, but still…

Don’t get me wrong, I understood that this was an unfortunate event. But, in the grand scheme of things that can go wrong, this was not a life-threatening event. (Well, it might have been if my husband had been able to catch me, but I can run pretty fast for a girl. And it was, after all, my piano, so what was he being so grumpy about?)

People, it’s about learning where to place your focus. Sadly, in a nation where we lead off the evening news with stories about Kate Middleton’s clothes rather than the famine in Somalia, it’s not surprising that we struggle to prioritize. But, all life events are not created equal, and our responses to them should reflect the true nature of the situation. If we are going to be angry, tense, worried or stressed out, let’s save it for occasions worthy of how much it is going to cost us. It might be a good idea to ask ourselves if what we are getting ready to fixate on is worth losing moments, or even years, off of our life. We may not be able to stop ourselves from worrying over a sick loved one, but I propose that we can stop beating ourselves up if we miss one of our kids’ soccer games (or deconstruct a piano in the driveway). We should develop the habit of asking ourselves, “How serious is this…really?”, and then proceed from there.

Mark Twain once advised, “Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.” I think we should listen to him. This is sound advice. 

And to all you Reincarnationists out there: If you used to be Mark Twain, it’s okay if you write me a letter. But nothing from Cleopatra or Napoleon, please. You took yourself way too seriously.