Sick To Death: The Disease of Discontentment

There is an epidemic sweeping through my town, and it’s probably spreading in yours as well. It seldom shows up with obvious physical manifestations, like chicken pox or hives does. Instead it’s subtle. The symptoms are most easily observed in conversation. Listen for:

“I wish……..”

“I don’t like….”

“If only….”

" I never get to..."

These are the symptoms of discontentment and it seems a lot of people have them. Unlike the common cold, however, discontentment is eventually fatal. It is a form of heart disease. Ignore the symptoms at your own peril.

Pediatricians used to recommend that parents keep a bottle of something called Syrup of Ipecac on hand in case a child suffered accidental poisoning. Ipecac induces vomiting, so the idea behind its administration was that if a child were to accidentally ingest anything toxic, caregivers could administer a dose of ipecac and cause the child to vomit up the harmful substance. Ipecac was not a “medicine”, and it didn’t cure anything; it just served to make the child sick. But in doing so, it could also force the dangerous toxin back out of the body before any additional damage could be done. And so it is with discontent.

If discontent has any intrinsic value, it has so only to the degree that it acts as a catalyst for change; change in our circumstances or change in our attitude about our circumstances. But beyond that, it is dangerous stuff.  

  

I can say with absolute certainty that I have never found any benefit in being discontented. The way I see it, discontentment should be no more a state of being than ipecac should be the mainstay of a diet. When discontentment arises (and it inevitably will), I recognize it for what it is: the need to purge. Something needs to go – either the negative circumstances or my negative attitude. But allowing discontentment to settle in while I passively sit and wish for a different life is not an option I allow myself. It is far too dangerous.

If you are experiencing discontentment, it’s time to do a thorough self-examination. Where does it hurt? What about your situation can be changed for the better: your attitude or your circumstances? If you are in a situation that can be changed through your own efforts – no matter how difficult – it’s time to stop the stomach-churning misery of it all and make the change. If you are not able to change the circumstances themselves, then you have no choice but to change your attitude about them. But either way, you cannot live long in discontent. It's time to purge. Negativity that goes unheeded is ultimately, and always, fatal. 

First, Do No Harm

I follow the blog of a young lady from the UK, Alice Pyne, who has been diagnosed with terminal leukemia. Her blog is sweet and full of youthful optimism, even in the face of very dark circumstances. She has created a “bucket list” of things she wants to do before she dies, and it is an endearing mixture of maturity (i.e., getting everyone to become a bone marrow donor) and teenage hero-worship (to meet the British pop group Take That). I have said before that a hero is not someone who changes the world, but someone who changes what they can.  I think Alice is living like a hero, and so do many others who read her blog. But sadly, there are other readers out there who have shown what it means to be human without humanity. They have made unbelievably cruel comments about her, and others are using her blog to promote their own questionable businesses and personal agendas. Some are even pretending to be Alice or her mom on the internet in order to deceive others. Obviously, this is very upsetting to Alice and her family.

What is it that lies within people that allows them to cross the boundaries of common decency? What internal justifications are they making that allow for such smallness of heart and spirit?  I can’t help but believe that these people have never sat at the bedside of someone they loved and helplessly watched as death won out over life, for surely if they had, such gross insensitivity would be unthinkable.  Maybe no one ever held these people tightly when they were children and told them that every breath they took was precious. Maybe their own personal experiences have led them to believe that life is a zero-sum game and that the only way they can win is if someone else loses. My training says any or all of these things could be true. My humanity says I don’t particularly care if they are. While there are those among us who may have perfectly understandable reasons for bad behavior, “understandable” is a far cry from “acceptable”. 

Our culture and our survival depend on kindness. If, as a society, we move to an “every man for himself” model, we will have engineered our own demise. Cooperation, community and trust collapse in a society that ceases to demand civility from its citizens. My childhood wasn’t perfect nor, for that matter, is my present. I suspect the same holds true for each of you. But we have to learn how to operate as responsible human beings and navigate our way through life without doing harm. 

I remember talking to a friend who had lived in Japan for a number of years, and she remarked on the power of the group, in Japanese society, to shape behavior. She told me of watching a group of Japanese preschoolers playing. When one of the children made an aggressive move toward another child, the rest of the children banned together with the child who had been mistreated and moved to a different area of the playground. They continued to ostracize the aggressive child for the rest of the day. By the end of the day, the misbehaving child was quiet, apologetic and humbled. Peer pressure is a powerful thing.

So my questions for the day are these:

·         How tolerant are you of those who are unkind?

·         Do you make it easier or harder for them to do the wrong thing?

·         Do you make excuses for yourself or others?

·         Do you stand up for others?

·         Do you model kindness?

I honestly believe most people want to do the right thing, but I think our society has also grown increasingly disinterested in promoting good behavior. We can change that if we want to. So, maybe today we could start doing a little more for others, a kindness here – a kindness there, and letting those around us know that we are serious about civility. And by the way, if you get a chance, tell Alice Pyne that you’re rooting for her.

Are You Biting the Hand That Feeds You?

The geese living in my backyard expect me to feed them. And being the soft-touch that I am, I occasionally do. But don’t imagine it’s a Disney-Moment, because it isn’t. Geese are cranky. The whole time I am tossing them bread crumbs, they are hissing at me. Even the babies. They run to within six inches of my feet, gaze at me with expectation, and between bites of food they threaten and complain. I would write this off as some sort of aberrant goose behavior, except I know people that are exactly the same way. 

Companies advertise for our business but then treat us as if our presence in their store is an inconvenience to them. Bosses treat their employees with inconsideration and think the fact that they are paying the employees’ salary gives them the right to be insensitive. Employees happily cash their paycheck but complain all week about how much they hate their job. We take advantage of public highways, public schools and public parks but complain about paying taxes. We’ve elevated self- centered behavior and grouchiness to an art form. 

Geese are not known for their intelligence and problem-solving skills, hence the old saying that someone is “as silly as a goose”. Biting (or hissing at) the hand that feeds you may make sense to you if you’ve got the brains of a goose, but it is silly, self-defeating behavior for a human and shows a dangerous lack of situational awareness. 

Businesses that don’t respect their customers will eventually have no customers. Supervisors who are insensitive to employees drive down productivity and put the business at risk. Employees who complain about their jobs will eventually be replaced by those with a more positive attitude.  Citizens who are unwilling to endure common sacrifices (such as taxes) will eventually be unable to benefit from common creations (like highways). 

If you’re a “hisser”, you need to know that you are programming failure and dissatisfaction into your future. Now, is that what you really want?