The Opiate of the Masses: It's Not What You Think

The writer and philosopher Henry Wood once penned, “ Simply to live is a wonderful privilege in itself…but to what are you alive?” 

Darn good question, Henry.

So, if I were to ask you what you were about…to describe your “aliveness”…could you do it? To what exactly, are you alive? Is your life a process of marking time, of tearing pages from your calendar, or is there something else? Some may call this an existentialist question, or even a metaphysical one, but I don’t see it that way at all. It's not about why we are here, but about what we are doing while we are here.

Let me explain. A couple of weeks ago, someone told me that he really enjoyed this blog, because it always made him think. And at that moment, something inside me expanded and I felt very, very alive (and humbled), because thinking is the privilege of the living. 

Karl Marx is often quoted as having said “religion is the opiate of the masses”. I think he was wrong. Religion is not “the opiate of the masses”, routine is. Routine is what enables us to go about our lives while remaining numb to that which makes us human; namely, our ability to think, to feel, and to question. 

Don’t get me wrong, I know that routine is necessary in order to maintain some semblance of order. Socks first, then shoes. Check the locks before going to bed. Change the oil every three thousand miles. But when we allow routine to dominate, when we allow our thinking to become marginalized, or worse yet, when we allow someone else’s thoughts to be traded for our own, we have sacrificed our “aliveness” for a cheap imitation. 

When was the last time you thought about yourself? Not like you typically think about yourself: not about what you are going to get or what you want, or about how you look or how you feel, or about what you are going to do next…but about who you ARE. What you truly believe. About the kind of person you are compared to the kind of person you want to be. 

If you only hear one thing that I ever say to you, let it be this: Open up to your life. Think more. Question your assumptions. Do something unexpected. Carve your own way. BE ALIVE UNTIL YOU’RE NOT!!  

  

You will not always (and maybe even not often) agree with my view of things, but that’s okay. You don’t need to think I’m amazing - you just need to think. Because the thoughts you think, and the actions you ultimately choose because of them, are the essence of your “aliveness”. 

I hope you have a great and amazing and thought-filled life. And in the short-term, a really satisfying week.

If You See Me Running

I am not athletic. At all. I do not jog, skip, jump, scamper, or power-walk. I will never enter a marathon. I know there are (slightly deviant) people out there who enjoy that kind of thing, but I am not counted among them. It is contrary to my basic nature. So, if you see me running anywhere, please call the police. I am having an emergency. I am either being chased by a bear, a thug, or my hair is on fire. Seriously. It is a sign.

This basic concept, that people typically don’t act contrary to their nature, is critical to understanding and communicating with those around us. If in thirty years of marriage your husband has never once brought you flowers, then one day he does, it’s time to ask some questions. (Is he cheating? Is he dying? Is he worried that you are cheating or dying?). If your dog has never, ever, tried to bite someone, then he suddenly does, it’s time to take a trip to the vet. (Is it a brain tumor? Rabies? A really annoying neighbor child who has gotten on the dog’s last, gentle nerve?) If your daughter has never been shy, then she suddenly decides to stop spending time with her friends, you’re going to need to investigate.  Something is amiss. (Is she being bullied? Is it adolescent hormones? Is she avoiding situations where she knows the potential for trouble exists?)

Life exerts an extraordinary amount of pressure on us, and sometimes, that pressure causes us to change directions; to act out of the ordinary in an attempt to protect ourselves and others. Sometimes people have to change just to survive.  So, when you see a significant change in another person’s behavior, you can bet they are under some sort of pressure; whether internally or externally generated. 

Intellectually, we know this. But we often behave as if we don’t.  When someone exhibits a new and unexpected behavior, one of two things typically happens. We either work to stamp out the new (read:”bad”) behavior (parents, employers and others in positions of authority are especially prone to do this). Or, we ignore the behavior in the hopes that it is temporary and will resolve on its own. Unfortunately, both approaches are doomed to failure, because the behavior is a sign of something that goes far deeper than the behavior itself. 

For example (true stories):

• A friend of mine’s father had always been friendly and outgoing. Over time, however, he began to anger easily and refused to leave the house. His family was perplexed, but wrote it off to age and “moodiness”. Unfortunately, his new behaviors turned out to be symptoms of a much deeper problem; he had been suffering from repeated small strokes which affected the part of his brain responsible for mood and social behaviors. By the time this was discovered, however, the damage to that region of his brain was extensive and irreversible.

•  When I was a child, a friend of mine and I played together almost every day at the local playground. But, one day, she announced she’d rather just play at her own house (unusual behavior). She said the same thing the next day.  And the day after that. After several days of refusing to go to the playground with me, I (being very bossy and persistent) told her that if she didn’t go with me, I wasn’t going to play with her at all anymore. She still refused to go. I assumed she didn’t want to play with me anymore. As it turned out, she was being molested in that same playground on a recurring basis by an older boy in our neighborhood. The signs were there, but no one noticed.

• The young son of a family member was involved in a fight on the school playground. He appeared a little bruised and battered, but otherwise there were no obvious signs of serious injury. A few days later, his grandmother noticed him sitting just inches from the television (unusual behavior), and she told him not to sit so close. He complied. But a few days later, there he was again, sitting inches from the screen. Again he was scolded and again he moved. Eventually, he was taken to an eye doctor to see if he needed glasses. Sadly, it was much more serious than that. His eye had suffered serious damage in that schoolyard fight and he had now permanently lost the ability to see out of that eye. An earlier intervention may have saved his vision.

• A former coworker, a typically upbeat man, began to grow quiet and despondent. While many people, including his employees, discussed his personality change when he was out of earshot, no one talked to him about it. They didn’t feel it was their business. They didn’t want to pry. He was smart, powerful, successful, and handsome – and he shot himself to death. We still don’t know why.

Employers, parents, spouses, friends – take note.  A change in a person’s behavior reflects a change in their circumstances. Validate that person by paying attention to their life. Stop worrying about being thought of as nosy, and get involved. Metaphorically speaking, “call 911”. Or, as in my case, if you see me running, then literally call 911.

Because it’s a sign.

A Complainer's Update: The Sand in My Shoes

As I suspected, trying to go without complaining has been difficult. The longest I have gone without airing a grievance of some sort has been three days. It’s certainly not twenty one days without complaining like Will Bowen advocates, but I think it is actually a significant improvement for me. As I said, I have a long history of complaining, so this may take some time. 

As it turns out, I am being tripped up, not by the big things, but by the little things. Here are some of the complaints that have set me back:

“There is nothing good on the radio.” 

“Why can’t restaurants add some gluten-free baked goods or pancakes to their menu?” (Yep – it turns out that I am still complaining about that).

“Why can’t I buy even one bottle of Spanish wine that doesn’t taste like Black Flag??” (The Italians would agree with me, but it’s still a fruitless grievance – no pun intended).

I once read an account of a man who had walked across America, from coast to coast. After his journey was complete, a reporter asked him what had been his toughest challenge along the way. His response was thought-provoking. He said that it wasn’t the “big” challenges that almost caused him to give up his quest. He met thunderstorms, muscle cramps, and fatigue with determination. Rather, the thing that almost defeated him was the daily “small” challenge of the sand in his shoes. Over and over again, the small, irritating grains of sand would make their way into his shoes and begin to chafe his feet. By the end of each day, his feet were sore and raw from the sand. After many days, the constant irritation was almost more than he could bear. 

I think I know just what he means. You see, it’s not the rocks that we have to climb along our journey that threaten to derail us; it’s the sand in our shoes. Blessedly, most of us don’t have to deal with a new, catastrophic situation each and every day. We all encounter tragedy and intensely emotional challenges periodically throughout our lives, but for the most part, they crop up occasionally. We muster our courage and spirit, and we deal with them. We emerge on the other side with a few battle scars and tender places, but we are still standing. 

But those small irritations, compounded daily, are the true enemies of our success and peace of mind. Like sand in our shoes, they accumulate and begin to chafe, until at some point, we look at ourselves and we are laid bare; raw, bleeding and going down for the count. No joy. No peace. No rest. We were prepared to slay a dragon but ended up being nibbled to death by a duck.

The man who walked across America offered some advice to anyone who wanted to follow in his footsteps: Wear thick socks and frequently shake the sand out of your shoes.

My efforts to stop complaining are part of my attempt to follow his wise advice. Focusing on the little annoyances in my life is like sprinkling sand in my shoes and then taking a walk in thin socks. It’s going to chafe. Why not focus on what is good (the equivalent of wearing thick socks) and choose to put away the small irritations (shake the sand out of my shoes)? 

So, I am still traveling. I have made some progress in my complaint-free journey, and that feels good. It’s slow going, but the scenery is starting to look a little bit different now. I’m in a brighter place than I was when I started out, and that’s nice. 

I think I still have a long stretch of road ahead of me. That’s to be expected, though, considering my starting place. But hey…who’s complaining? (smile). 

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When Nature Attacks

It has been a challenging summer here in North Carolina. We’ve had extreme heat, drought, tornadoes, an earthquake and a hurricane. But last week, just to prove that Mother Nature can be kind as well as cruel, the weather turned gloriously beautiful. The temperature dropped and the skies became crystal-clear Carolina blue.  I grabbed a book and a Diet Coke and headed outside to enjoy the reprieve. Everything was perfect. 

Then an ant bit me. Then another one bit me. And it hurt like crazy.

To fully appreciate the impact of what I’m telling you, it’s important to understand that I'm not talking about those pesky house ants that want to swim in your sugar bowl. Nope. Here in North Carolina we have fire ants, and they are aptly named. Not because they having boy-scout caliber fire-starting skills, but because being bitten by one of these ants is like being jabbed with a burning cigarette. If these creatures end up in a movie, it won’t be in a cute Disney film, I can promise you that. They are vicious.

As I was rubbing ointment across the fiery red bite-marks, I couldn’t help but wonder why these little monsters bit me. Had I accidentally put my foot on their home? Had I threatened them in some way? But, as best as I could tell, the answer was “no” on both counts. I was just minding my own business when they came along and did what fire ants do. They bite people. The angry red bite marks said very little about me but they said a whole lot about fire ants. Biting is in their nature.

And that is the way it is with some people, too. They bite. They snap. They hurt you. And for no identifiable reason. You’re just sitting there, minding your own business, and then…BAM. You get bitten. But hear me friends, if you can honestly say that you did nothing to provoke such bad treatment, then the attack says far more about the “biter” than it does about you. Stop holding resentment and grudges against that person. Rub some ointment on it, and move on. This wasn’t about you.

Fire Ants do what Fire Ants do. Haters do what Haters do. You will not change them. Viciousness is in their nature. Complaining because they are what they are will not make them become something else. If they ever change their nature, it will be because they chose to do so. It is outside the scope of your control. 

Don’t let another person’s poverty of character rob you of your maturity or your joy. Always remember that you are not made less by another person’s smallness of mind and spirit unless you choose to make yourself small by responding in kind. 

Don’t bite people. When "nature" attacks, choose to be good, decent, kind and polite, even when others aren’t.