Persuasion, Phil Robertson, and Leading Change

By now, we have all been bombarded with media reports and personal opinions on the Phil Robertson "thing", and this post isn't meant to, in any way, address the man or his views. After all, The Wick isn't about politics or religion. It's about leadership and personal excellence. But I feel there is a "Wick Style" lesson in the events of the past few weeks as they relate to those of us tasked with leading change.

You see, true, positive and lasting change can never be achieved through criticism, command or negativity. Let me say that again.  

True, positive, and lasting change can NEVER be achieved through criticism, command or negativity.

Think about it. What motivates you? Is it the threat of punishment or the promise of reward? When we tell others how bad they are, how ineffective they are, or how disappointing they are, nine times out of ten they begin by becoming angry and finish by tuning us out completely. In fact, the only people who are typically inspired by a negative rant are those that agreed with you to begin with. And that’s not called leadership. That’s called preaching to the choir.

Regardless of the change you are hoping to achieve in your home, organization or community, you must be prepared to present a vision to others that is inspiring. People must believe that where you are asking them to go is a better and more satisfying place than where they are now. In short, you must persuade in order to lead. In the words of the late Nelson Mandela, “Don’t raise your voice; improve your argument”.

Are you leading a positive, persuasive, and inspiring campaign for change?

The Secret of Life

Life has a way of surprising us. 

Toward the end of 2011, I went to the doctor for a minor health complaint. When the problem didn’t clear up after a few weeks of treatment, the doctor recommended further testing, including a CT scan. The day following the test, my doctor phoned to tell me that the scan had revealed a "shadow" on my liver. Further testing confirmed that it was a tumor. It has subsequently been determined to be (thankfully) benign, but I will be followed for changes over the next several months. Assuming the tumor does not grow larger and impact other organs, the prognosis is excellent. I am grateful. I like being alive.

But this experience, combined with others in 2011, caused me to decide to make some changes in my life. I decided to take singer/songwriter James Taylor's advice and pursue the "Secret O' Life"; enjoying the passage of time. (If you don’t know this song, take some time to check it out on YouTube, or read the lyrics here. The wisdom is profound.)

I retired from corporate life after nearly thirty years of contribution "to the cause". I got a puppy. I took up painting again. I signed up to audit courses in philosophy, physiology and, best of all, wine appreciation. In other words, I have begun to fill my life with things that contribute to my enjoyment of the passing of time. 

And time is passing. A surprise diagnosis reminded me that life is so very, very short. Even if we live one hundred years, there is so little time left and life is so full of things to learn and do and enjoy…

Many of you may have made resolutions for the year 2012. Are they things that will contribute to your enjoyment of the passing of time? If you knew your time was short, would you make different choices? Would you rearrange your priorities? Would you stop sweating "the small stuff" (i.e., who said what, what others think of you, how you look, etc.)?

My sincere thanks to each of those of you who took the time to ask if I was okay and to let me know how much this blog means to you. I am thankful to have the opportunity to continue to share my thoughts on life with each of you through The Wick. Doing so contributes to my enjoyment of life. 

I hope reading it adds enjoyment to yours.

What We Leave in Our Wake

A year or so ago, I read a great book by Dr. Henry Cloud, entitled “Integrity: The Courage to Meet the Demands of Reality”. While it is a book primarily written for a business audience, it is a great resource for anyone seeking to enhance their interpersonal skills through character development.

In the book, the author uses the movements of a ship at sea to help us visualize the ramifications of our actions. You see, no ship can move forward without leaving a wake. And the wake tells you a lot about the direction of the ship. If the wake is steady and straight and smooth, you can assume that the ship is progressing in a straight line and is on its plotted course. But a ship that leaves a turbulent and unpredictable wake is most likely a ship that has lost its way and is making hasty, poorly thought out, and potentially dangerous moves. Anything or anyone that is following close behind may find themselves overtaken, swamped, or drowned. According to Dr. Cloud, “The wake doesn’t lie and it doesn’t care about excuses. It is what it is.” Watch the wake and you’ll see your course reflected. So the question becomes, what does our wake look like?

If we were to take a soul-searching look at what we are leaving in our wake each day, as we move through our work and personal relationships, what would we find?

• Would others say that our movement through their lives has left them better off, or have they suffered loss for having been associated with us?
  
• Has our wake been steady and true, or have we left others reeling, confused and floundering?

• Do others feel uplifted and encouraged by us, or do they feel disappointed and let down? 
• Are we inspiring others to “shoot for the moon” or to hide in a bunker?

• Do people seek out our company or do they try to avoid us?

Unfortunately, it is relatively easy to deceive ourselves about the nature of our influence. It is almost impossible, however, to deceive those caught up in our disruptive wake. If people tend to tell us that we are difficult, disruptive, insensitive, negative, untrustworthy, disappointing, hurtful and critical, then we probably are. If people tend to avoid us altogether, they are telling us the same thing through their behavior. And if you just had the thought “Well, they just don’t get me…” then you are proving my point.

Knowing where we are headed in life has great value, but not to the exclusion of what we are leaving in our wake along the way. The end very seldom justifies the means. And, it is worth remembering that at some point each of us will cease to have a future and will only have a legacy (and I’m not talking about those things that are bequeathed in our wills).

Every day, we each “part the waters” and forge ahead, and the laws of physics say that we cannot help but leave a wake. So the question is not if we are impacting those close to us, but how we are impacting those close to us.

I pose this question to each of you today: If we spent a little more time looking back over the stern of the ship rather than acting like “the king of the world” (to quote Leonardo di Caprio in Titanic) up at the bow, would those around us be better off for our having done so? I think they would. Because I think most of us want to be better. We want to be a positive influence on those around us. But we can’t correct what we can’t see.

Take some time today and check your wake.