What We Leave in Our Wake

A year or so ago, I read a great book by Dr. Henry Cloud, entitled “Integrity: The Courage to Meet the Demands of Reality”. While it is a book primarily written for a business audience, it is a great resource for anyone seeking to enhance their interpersonal skills through character development.

In the book, the author uses the movements of a ship at sea to help us visualize the ramifications of our actions. You see, no ship can move forward without leaving a wake. And the wake tells you a lot about the direction of the ship. If the wake is steady and straight and smooth, you can assume that the ship is progressing in a straight line and is on its plotted course. But a ship that leaves a turbulent and unpredictable wake is most likely a ship that has lost its way and is making hasty, poorly thought out, and potentially dangerous moves. Anything or anyone that is following close behind may find themselves overtaken, swamped, or drowned. According to Dr. Cloud, “The wake doesn’t lie and it doesn’t care about excuses. It is what it is.” Watch the wake and you’ll see your course reflected. So the question becomes, what does our wake look like?

If we were to take a soul-searching look at what we are leaving in our wake each day, as we move through our work and personal relationships, what would we find?

• Would others say that our movement through their lives has left them better off, or have they suffered loss for having been associated with us?
  
• Has our wake been steady and true, or have we left others reeling, confused and floundering?

• Do others feel uplifted and encouraged by us, or do they feel disappointed and let down? 
• Are we inspiring others to “shoot for the moon” or to hide in a bunker?

• Do people seek out our company or do they try to avoid us?

Unfortunately, it is relatively easy to deceive ourselves about the nature of our influence. It is almost impossible, however, to deceive those caught up in our disruptive wake. If people tend to tell us that we are difficult, disruptive, insensitive, negative, untrustworthy, disappointing, hurtful and critical, then we probably are. If people tend to avoid us altogether, they are telling us the same thing through their behavior. And if you just had the thought “Well, they just don’t get me…” then you are proving my point.

Knowing where we are headed in life has great value, but not to the exclusion of what we are leaving in our wake along the way. The end very seldom justifies the means. And, it is worth remembering that at some point each of us will cease to have a future and will only have a legacy (and I’m not talking about those things that are bequeathed in our wills).

Every day, we each “part the waters” and forge ahead, and the laws of physics say that we cannot help but leave a wake. So the question is not if we are impacting those close to us, but how we are impacting those close to us.

I pose this question to each of you today: If we spent a little more time looking back over the stern of the ship rather than acting like “the king of the world” (to quote Leonardo di Caprio in Titanic) up at the bow, would those around us be better off for our having done so? I think they would. Because I think most of us want to be better. We want to be a positive influence on those around us. But we can’t correct what we can’t see.

Take some time today and check your wake.