Our company lost an employee this past week to an automobile accident. As word spread throughout the organization, I heard the same phrases repeated time and again; “she was so young” and “she showed so much promise”. As I pondered these sentiments, I was reminded of what we mourn when we lose someone to the finality of death. We mourn the future: the future those lost will never see and the future those remaining will build without them. The future will arrive for us, but it will not be the same one we had envisioned. A small piece of our identity has disappeared along with their presence. Our future has become a stranger and we are afraid of linking arms with it; scared of where it will lead us. Who will we become without this child, spouse, parent, or friend?
If I could give each of my loved ones a gift before my death it would be this: the reassurance that I love them, that they are strong and capable and need not fear, that they have brought me far more joy than pain. I would want them to know that the fierce wind of grief will blow itself out, like the cold wind of March, and leave gently. That the memory of me will eventually bring smiles and not tears. I would want them to know that a future without me would be different, but that different doesn’t mean empty. I would give them the courage to trust that these things are true.
I hope for a long life, but more still, I hope for one filled with gentleness, kindness and the joy of love. And I hope that for each of you as well.
PS – Jessica, your unexpected leaving has reminded us to number our days and live accordingly. I wish we could have known you longer.
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