Going "Sunny Side Up"

I recently finished reading the book “A Complaint Free World”, by Will Bowen. Now I feel convicted. I acknowledge that I have a problem.

“I am DeAnna and I am a complainer.”

As most of you know, I write a lot about the inherent power of language. And I write a lot about staying positive in both thought and language. And in spite of all of that, reading Bowen’s book made me painfully aware that I am still missing the mark in the area of positivity and that I am using my language skills to negatively influence my mood and my day. For example, I got up this morning and stepped outside and remarked to my husband “WOW! It is REALLY hot out here.” We got into the car and headed out for breakfast, and as I looked around his car I remarked, “This car is SO dusty inside. You should get some of those Armor-All wipes and keep them in your glove compartment.” As we sat in the restaurant looking at the breakfast menu, I remarked with a sigh, “Looks like I’ll be getting another omelet. What I wouldn’t give for a decent gluten-free pancake…” 

You get the picture.

Complaining is a very insidious vice, mostly because there are so many ways to disguise it. Complaining can take the form of “fact stating”. For example, in my conversation above I “commented” about the heat. True enough it IS hot – it’s been nearly 100 degrees every day. But, everyone here with me knows that. I am not stating anything that is informative, nor am I pointing out something that we could change for the better. It is an expression of a grievance. I am not happy that it’s hot, and I want to tell someone else that I’m not happy that it’s hot. That makes it a complaint. 

Complaining can also take the form of “constructive criticism”(my readers know I don’t believe in such a thing); that’s when we criticize or express dissatisfaction and then couple it with what we believe the other person could/should do to fix the problem. I pointed out that I believe my husband keeps a dirty car, which was my grievance, and then tacked on my expert advice about what he should do to remedy it. Call it what you will, I was complaining about his car. Nothing constructive about it.  If I don’t like his dirty car I should either be quiet or clean it myself. 

Complaining can also look a lot like helplessness or martyrdom. It’s “poor me” syndrome. We express our grievances and resentment by portraying ourselves as victims, as I did with my “wishing” for a meal option other than what was available. Poor Me can’t eat gluten. Cue the deep sigh and violins. As my mother used to say, “Stop complaining and be thankful for what you have.” That was good advice, in retrospect. 

Bowen challenges his readers to go for twenty one consecutive days without complaining (expressing a dissatisfaction or grievance rather than changing the circumstance). In his challenge, each time we complain we must reset the clock and start over again. His contention is that once we are able to go for three weeks without complaining, we will have established a new habit that will change the way we think, speak and act. I am going to see if he is right. 

Yep, I am going to try to go complaint-free. I suspect it will be very difficult, but I also suspect I will eventually succeed. If it is possible for anyone to do it, then it is possible for me as well. I don’t need any special skills, equipment or talents. I just need determination. And I am one of the most determined (a.k.a. stubborn) people I know. 

I believe I am about to change the world for the better – well, at least change my world for the better. And if you’d like to give this little exercise in self-control a try, I’d love to hear from you. They say that misery loves company, but I believe that commitment loves company too. If you are interested in joining me, send me an email and let me know. 

I hope you have an amazing week, and that each day finds you “sunny side up”.