When "Weakness" Pays Off

One of the things we stress in the health care field is awareness of the “chain of infection”. The concept is a simple one. In order for a virus to spread, is has to have a pathway upon which to travel and a “port of entry” through which to infect its host. The infected person must expel the virus and the host must take the virus back in through a “port of entry”, such as the nose, the mouth or an open cut. That’s why we tell children to cover their mouth when they cough or sneeze and to wash their hands frequently. These sanitation measures are the best defense against illness and work to create a break along the “chain of infection”. 

The disease of bad attitudes, unkind words, defensiveness, and aggressiveness get passed along in much the same way that a virus does. It spreads from one person to another until it finally gets passed to someone who stops it dead in its tracks by choosing to respond maturely, patiently, kindly and politely. That person has chosen to be the “weak link” in the very powerful chain of bad behavior. 

Have you ever watched children get into an altercation? One child does or says something unkind to the second child. The second child responds with a negative response of her own. Pretty soon, you are pulling the two little combatants apart and hoping no one is bleeding…when you ask what happened, both will blurt out “(s)he started it!”. Children, lacking in maturity and decision making skills, respond with their emotions. They are developmentally incapable of relying on logic, reason and experience to choose appropriate behaviors, and often mirror the emotions and behaviors of those around them. But we adults aren’t like that, right? As adults, we never let our emotions override our reason…(yeah, right…)

Think about the last time your husband or wife said something that upset you. Or maybe it was a neighbor or co-worker, or the guy who cut you off in traffic. Did you act as the weakest link in the “chain of infection”, or did you keep the anger, insults and inconsideration going by responding in kind? Or perhaps you took in the bad behavior and “paid it forward” by taking your frustration out on someone else, like your dog or employees or kids. If you chose to be the “weak link” and refused to respond in kind, how did that make you feel? Did you feel empowered, more peaceful, more in control? How did you sleep that night? Conversely, if you chose to keep the anger going, how did you feel? How did you sleep that night? Did you feel healthy or did you feel “infected”?

I am personally trying very hard to learn to be the weakest link in the chain of inconsiderate behavior. It’s surprisingly difficult. Human nature is to react before we think; that’s what kept our distant ancestors from getting eaten by saber toothed tigers. If you wanted to find dinner rather than be dinner, you had to be ready to react; either flee or fight. No time for deep thinking unless you wanted those to be the last thoughts you ever had. But the instincts that saved us in bygone eras do not serve us nearly as well in our modern times. Nowadays, the thing most likely to kill us is stress, not tigers. That’s why our survival these days depends on being the weakest link – at least in regard to the chain of negative emotions and behaviors.

We have time to think about how best to respond. We can de-escalate a situation. We can decide to be the place the madness stops. But it isn’t programmed into our nature. It takes conscious effort, and it takes enough self confidence to be willing to be seen as the loser. And there lies the sticking point for most of us. We cannot bear to be seen as weak in any way, even if the “weakness” is what saves us in the end.

I encourage you to try, for just one week, to be the weakest link. Refuse to be a host for the “negativity virus”. You have the power to stop the chain of infection. The question is not “can you do it?” but “will you do it”?