The Freedom No One Can Take Away

I love having choices. The freedom to shape our own destiny, as it were, is one of the things that Americans hold most dear; one of the things we celebrate each Fourth of July. We choose where we will live, what we will eat, what we will wear, what we will do for a living, who we will vote for…Americans are choosers. So does being free to choose make us better, more tolerant, people?

Not necessarily, according to a recent study published in the June issue of the journal Psychological Science.

The article states: 

 

“Choice makes North Americans feel more in control, free, and independent, and thus has many positive consequences for the individuals’ motivation and well-being.”

 

However, the study goes on to say that “…activating the concept of choice increases victim blaming and decreases empathy for disadvantaged people.”

This is interesting to me. The idea that we are less concerned about others, for any reason, is troubling, but particularly so when something so deeply ingrained into who we are as a society, such as the freedom to choose, is implicated. Can being free to choose undermine kindness and empathy? If so, why is that?

The conclusion drawn by the authors of the study is that, as successful individuals in free Western societies, we tend to look at where we are in life and see our position as being a result of our own choices and personal effort, rather than a result of politics, the efforts of others, or fate. Therefore, we may believe that if we have been able to “pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps”, then those around us can too. In other words, we frame everyone’s experience by our own experience.  

If others are not successful or happy, it must surely be attributed to something they have, or haven’t, done. If they had just tried harder, worked harder, saved more, spent less, practiced safe sex, stopped smoking, started exercising, tried harder in school, chosen a different career path, chosen a different government…the list goes on… then they wouldn’t be in the shape they are in today. We shrug our shoulders and think, “Hey, they made their bed. Now they’re going to have to sleep in it.” 

Let me offer an example to help illustrate the point. A 2004 report in the Journal of Public Economics, citing the World Values Survey, indicated that only 30% of Americans believe the poor are “trapped” in poverty, and 60% of Americans reported that they believed people were poor because they were lazy. In other words, a significant number of Americans tend to see poverty as a choice.

Now, I am under no illusions that everyone will make the most of their opportunities. There are plenty of good examples of bad choices. Some people are poor because they are lazy. Some people are sick because of poor lifestyle choices. Some people do abuse the system. But in the words of Kent M. Keith, author of The Paradoxical Commandments:

 Do Good Anyway.

Our society offers many advantages that are unparalleled elsewhere in the world. And all of the advantages that we have as a nation are hard won; including, and most especially, our freedom to choose. But the idea that a lack of empathy for another person's pain, regardless of whether it is self-imposed, is warranted because the person “brought it on themselves”, feels awfully small and mean to me. I don’t want to be that person. 

I want to have a generosity of spirit that is based upon how much I share in common with those who suffer. I want to be a part of a society that extends kindness, help, and support to my fellow human beings, both at home and abroad, without suspicion and without regret. I want to remember that in most cases, “there but for the grace of God (or the twists of fate) go I.”

I want to encourage each of you to celebrate this Fourth of July by choosing to exercise the one freedom that no government can endow or take away: the freedom to extend kindness to your fellow man.

PS. If you want to learn more about the Paradoxical Commandments and take the “Do Good Anyway” Challenge, visit the Paradoxical Commandments website and download your free certificate. Buy the book while you’re at it. It’s a great read.

Bigfoot, UFOs and the Happy Life: Believing is Seeing

Have you ever wondered why the only people who actually encounter Bigfoot in the woods are people who are open to the idea that Bigfoot might really exist? Or why the only ones to see UFOs are people who believe alien life forms are possible in the first place? You’ll seldom meet a converted skeptic, and there is a reason for that. We tend to see what we expect to see. For most people, the old phrase “seeing is believing” is not as true as the reverse: believing is seeing.
 

The things we pay attention to are the things that form our view of the world around us. We literally create our own reality by choosing where to direct our focus. For example, I am not a fan of outdoor adventures, but my husband is. He and I can hike in the mountains, and he will notice the plants and the wildlife and will feel exhilarated. His experience will be a positive one. I will notice the mosquitoes and the rough terrain and become irritable. My experience will be a negative one. He sees the flower, I see the bee. We walk the same path but come away having had very different experiences. 

The implications of where we choose to direct our focus in life are monumental, because through those choices, we are shaping our lives. When we look for faults, we find them. If we believe someone is out to get us, then everything that person does seems sinister. If we are sensitive to being slighted by others, we will constantly be on guard for insults, criticisms, prejudices and discrimination, and we will find them – even when they were never intended. As the old saying goes, we become “an ouch looking for a hurt”.

We’ve all met people who see the bad in every situation and every person they encounter. Their conversations center around their health problems, their family problems, their bad work situation, and on and on. They direct their focus toward whatever is wrong and completely ignore that which is going well. They have, through their attention, created a negative reality for themselves. That’s a shame. Choosing to live a negative life is like owning a gold mine and choosing to sell the dirt rather than the gold. You have access to both the treasure and the waste, but your focus will ensure that you spend your life dirty and poor.

To live a happy and fulfilling life, we must be very particular about what we pay attention to, and what we let fall to the wayside.  When we pay attention to something, it changes the way we feel. Those feelings then lead to actions, and the actions create results; either positive or negative. So, if we can change our focus, we can change our results. I’m not suggesting living a delusional life in which we pretend bad things aren’t real. But acknowledging that something is unpleasant is not the same as focusing on it. Go ahead and acknowledge the hurt – but move on. Don’t brood. When we redirect our attention away from the hurts of life and toward those things which bring us joy and satisfaction, our reality improves and our pain lessens. 

If you want to achieve happiness and satisfaction, begin focusing your attention as precisely as you would focus a camera lens, and focus on that which is positive. Notice when people smile at you, when people are kind to you, and when you do something well. Actively seek out the company of positive people. Notice how good your coffee tastes and how nice it is to have a warm shower in the morning. Read a good news story. Extend a kindness to someone and pay attention to how that makes you feel. 

In other words, notice your good life. 

 Talk about it. Ask questions. Examine life.