Getting older is a trade-off. For each year we gain in lifespan, we lose a little more hair, a little more energy and a few more aging friends. Time truly is an unrepentant thief. The great sculptor Michelangelo once said, “The more the marble wastes, the more the statue grows.” He may not have been talking about our aging bodies, but it is a fitting analogy. At least, it is a fitting analogy for my friend Jim.
Jim turned ninety last week, and like anyone who has lived a long life, he has seen and done a great many things. I love to hear his stories of Hollywood in the 30s and 40s, of his lovely wife Billie and her life as a Rockette, of his travels and chance encounters with the “rich and famous”, and of his treasure chest of friendships that have survived over half a century. I bought him a pin-on badge to wear during his birthday celebration that says “I have survived damn near everything.” It should have said “I have survived damn near everything and in spite of it all I have maintained my dignity, my sense of humor, my enthusiasm for life, most of my teeth and my good looks.” But, it was just a little pin-on badge - not a billboard.
Jim epitomizes what I hope to be at ninety. Mainly - alive. (smile)
But all kidding aside, I don’t mean “alive” in the sense of “still breathing”, but “alive” as in “engaged in the joy of this present moment”. Life is, after all, about more than respiration. It is about seeing the humor, the wonder, and the mystery that is endemic to the human experience, and choosing to embrace it rather than run from it. It’s about finding inspiration and satisfaction in this life rather than waiting for an afterlife. It’s about growing in wisdom even as we diminish in physical stature. It’s about maintaining our belief that life is good, even when bad things happen.
Far too often, I think, we measure life by the quantity of the years we’ve lived rather than by the quality of the years we’ve lived. The end result is a willingness to accept a life that has length, but no depth. We walk in the shallows and become shallow ourselves.
A very wise person once remarked “One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching.” Jim’s life is worth watching at full-fare, non-matinee pricing, and I want mine to be too. When the credits roll at the end, I hope people think they’ve had the chance to view an epic.
So tonight, raise a glass in a toast to my friend Jim, and celebrate the inspiration that a life well-lived brings to others. Then get out there and inspire someone.
8 comments:
What a lovely tribute to my uncle. And I hope I can take to heart your comments about living a life worth watching for myself.
Camille Loo
Jim is truly an inspiration. He's been a friend to me and my family for more than 50 years, and his energy and humor haven't diminished one iota in that time. A model for us all. And a gift.
Tim Winship
DeAnna...Beautifully written. Thank you so much for your tender and heartfelt comments about Jim. He is my favorite person and an inspiration beyond compare!! Chris and I were very disappointed not to be able to raise a glass while dancing with him on tabletops!
His has always been a life worth watching...along with Billy's.
Thank you for your lovely expression of caring and love.
Katherine Brennand and Chris Cummings
El Paso, Texas
Well said, DeAnna. Jim is someone who i've known since i was 3, and yet with every email or encounter with him i admire him that much more, and wonder how i might, in my own paler fashion, emulate his strength, humor, and wisdom.
I'm toasting Jim's generosity, for the way he picked me up at a horse show and started a friendship with him and Billy. And I'm toasting his kookie sense of humor, for the incredibly nutty pictures of him and Billy I'd receive at Christmas. I'm toasting his love of nature shown in his photos of wild deer peering in through the windows of his house.
And I'll toast you, Deanna, for your fine essay--"and I want mine to be too," you say. That goes for me, too.
We agree with you completely. Jim is one of the most interesting people we have ever had the pleasure to spend time with. When we were in N.Y together we always enjoyed his critique of the theatre. His stories about meeting with our son in Seattle was hilarious. We love you Jim. Keep going . Lots of love Penney and Ray.
How lucky we are to have Jim in our lives. I met him as a purveyor of ladies handbags and personal leather goods (his terminology), and have felt blessed to have known him over the years. We never did much business in terms of dollars, but with Jim the quality of the friendship was in the knowing, not the $$$$. I always loved his holiday greetings, and was able to introduce my husband, son, and mother to him as we made our way through NC on a vacation trip! I have so many other memories: leaving business messages with his mother and her lovely brogue, sharing books, hearing about his beloved Billie-girl, and spending a "derailed NY dinner" in a NY hospital ER -- Jim is one of the best friends I've ever had, no matter the distance. Love, Amanda
DeAnna, thanks for sharing such a thoughtful and apt note about Jim. I met Jim over 50 years ago when my parents became friends with Jim and Billie back in Bethesda, Maryland. He modeled work-life balance at a time when few in the "Mad Men" generation could conceive of what that meant. I recently reconnected with Jim on the occasion of my mother's passing, and was delighted to find that his quirky sense of humor had not waned in all these years. We should all be so alive and quirky, at any age.
Jeff Godwin
London, England
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